Gloomy Winters

Dear LoML

I have been gone for a long while, I have probably not responded to some of your messages 😕. It’s been a while since I wrote to you. I probably left you wondering what could be wrong. It’s been a struggle writing lately but I’m trying my best today ( no AI in this, trust me).

Well…. The truth is, I went through a season of darkness, my ambitions caught up with me, and shut off the world behind me. I went through a season of stagnation where nothing seemed to be moving. Moments of frustration where I felt stuck and things seemed lost. My dreams seemed too far from me, and I didn’t know what or where to go next. Seeing my potential unexpressed became a deep pain; I was simply caught between a rock and a hard place.

Love didn’t make sense to me anymore, and all I wanted was to be left alone. I was in a cold, dull and gloomy winter. I lost sight of the beauty right before my eyes and sought comfort in my own space and company. Nothing of the world attracted or excited me anymore. And in the process of fighting my demons, I pierced the very hearts that were supposed to be a comfort. I am sorry I kept it all from you and treated you like a stranger.

I’m sorry you had to be a victim of my inner conflict. (Unfortunately it is the people around us who take the biggest hit). But In the middle of what seemed to be a lost battle, I saw a light, a glimmer of hope and a little shoot that spoke of life. A new life runs through me now and my heart is at peace now.

What didn’t kill me made me stronger, although I carry scars to remind me of the struggle. I hope I teach our sons in the future that it is okay for a man to cry and reach out for help. I hope to teach them that our battles are only meant to make us great warriors. I hope to teach them lessons about faith and keeping their heads up even in the darkest winters. To tell them that after the hibernation comes a moment of bloom and Beauty. That the light afflictions build our character and teach us valuable lessons, and that they have a father who can identify with their struggles and pain, and will be there to guide us through without judgment.
I am back, and I hope you are not so far gone 🥲. Hopefully, we’ll take a long drive soon and talk about it all.

Not my best writing, still trying to find my flow after a long hiatus.

yours truly,
p