On and Off

Dear Loml,

I’ve been on and off. I appear and disappear. And I seem to give mixed signals. I now realize how much of a toll it takes on you and how it gets you questioning my intentions and thoughts towards you. I’m sure you even doubt me and wonder if I’m even real. I was thinking to myself aloud today, “Do I tell you the truth at the risk of losing you forever, or tell you a lie to make you happy?” Well… Since I’m on a path of growth and on a journey of becoming a real man, I have decided to be bold and tell the truth. After all, “the greatest measure of courage is the safest”.

The truth is….. I’ve been scared 😨. Yes, scared of making the wrong choice, scared of not being able to commit, scared of not measuring up, scared of not being able to take care of you as you deserve. I have also been scared of not being the perfect guy you always dream about. My imperfections stare at me in the face and make it hard for me to make a move, although my heart tells me I’m ready for love ( like all matters of the heart, I know I’m ready).
I am trying my best to stay positive, to stay consistent, and challenge myself to be present.

When I eventually pop the question, know that it took a lot of courage and boldness.
I hope you understand me, see the beauty in my imperfections, and help me become a better man. I will be trying my best to fix myself before we eventually get together so that you don’t become a victim of my internal struggle.

I hope you stay positive, and find beauty in your imperfections 😁

Not my best writing, but I hope you get the message.

Yours in waiting,
P