Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together is success
— Henry Ford.
There is a lot of interesting stuff coming up, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.Continue reading “Setting the ball rolling”
Dear LoML
I have been gone for a long while, I have probably not responded to some of your messages 😕. It’s been a while since I wrote to you. I probably left you wondering what could be wrong. It’s been a struggle writing lately but I’m trying my best today ( no AI in this, trust me).
Well…. The truth is, I went through a season of darkness, my ambitions caught up with me, and shut off the world behind me. I went through a season of stagnation where nothing seemed to be moving. Moments of frustration where I felt stuck and things seemed lost. My dreams seemed too far from me, and I didn’t know what or where to go next. Seeing my potential unexpressed became a deep pain; I was simply caught between a rock and a hard place.
Love didn’t make sense to me anymore, and all I wanted was to be left alone. I was in a cold, dull and gloomy winter. I lost sight of the beauty right before my eyes and sought comfort in my own space and company. Nothing of the world attracted or excited me anymore. And in the process of fighting my demons, I pierced the very hearts that were supposed to be a comfort. I am sorry I kept it all from you and treated you like a stranger.
I’m sorry you had to be a victim of my inner conflict. (Unfortunately it is the people around us who take the biggest hit). But In the middle of what seemed to be a lost battle, I saw a light, a glimmer of hope and a little shoot that spoke of life. A new life runs through me now and my heart is at peace now.
What didn’t kill me made me stronger, although I carry scars to remind me of the struggle. I hope I teach our sons in the future that it is okay for a man to cry and reach out for help. I hope to teach them that our battles are only meant to make us great warriors. I hope to teach them lessons about faith and keeping their heads up even in the darkest winters. To tell them that after the hibernation comes a moment of bloom and Beauty. That the light afflictions build our character and teach us valuable lessons, and that they have a father who can identify with their struggles and pain, and will be there to guide us through without judgment.
I am back, and I hope you are not so far gone 🥲. Hopefully, we’ll take a long drive soon and talk about it all.
Not my best writing, still trying to find my flow after a long hiatus.
yours truly,
p
Dear Loml,
I’ve been on and off. I appear and disappear. And I seem to give mixed signals. I now realize how much of a toll it takes on you and how it gets you questioning my intentions and thoughts towards you. I’m sure you even doubt me and wonder if I’m even real. I was thinking to myself aloud today, “Do I tell you the truth at the risk of losing you forever, or tell you a lie to make you happy?” Well… Since I’m on a path of growth and on a journey of becoming a real man, I have decided to be bold and tell the truth. After all, “the greatest measure of courage is the safest”.
The truth is….. I’ve been scared 😨. Yes, scared of making the wrong choice, scared of not being able to commit, scared of not measuring up, scared of not being able to take care of you as you deserve. I have also been scared of not being the perfect guy you always dream about. My imperfections stare at me in the face and make it hard for me to make a move, although my heart tells me I’m ready for love ( like all matters of the heart, I know I’m ready).
I am trying my best to stay positive, to stay consistent, and challenge myself to be present.
When I eventually pop the question, know that it took a lot of courage and boldness.
I hope you understand me, see the beauty in my imperfections, and help me become a better man. I will be trying my best to fix myself before we eventually get together so that you don’t become a victim of my internal struggle.
I hope you stay positive, and find beauty in your imperfections 😁
Not my best writing, but I hope you get the message.
Yours in waiting,
P
Dear Love of my life,
I pen down my deepest feelings and fears; I am not ashamed to do that because I feel you may be going through the same. If we are going to live our lives together, then I believe you should know about my struggles.
Growing up hasn’t been easy. I believe you will agree with me. Emotions and sexuality have heightened, and so have responsibilities and decisions. There have been moments when I have been broke, lonely, left out, and felt inadequate. I sometimes have fears about the future, wondering how it’s all going to play out eventually and how the dots are going to connect.
There have been days of boredom and loneliness, days where friends and family seem distant, and it looks as if nobody cares. Days when I feel inadequate, question my capabilities and potential and even have insecurities about my looks. Growing up has not been easy; there’s heightened stress as a result of my ambitions, and juggling so many things together hasn’t come easy; there have been days where I’ve been overwhelmed and literally felt like crying.
Staying single at an age where ordinarily I should be getting closer to settling ( compare the age at which Americans and Europeans marry) hasn’t come with ease. This is an age of heightened sexuality and emotions, and you can guess what goes through my head and mind as a young man living in the environment I find myself in.
While I have been careful to live by my Christian standards and commitment to you ( although we haven’t met yet), I fight goliaths every day and try to keep a smiley face although there are struggles.
I know you may be going through even more, especially as a lady in an Instagram, twerk, and Snapchat generation. However, I am strongly convinced of greatness at the end of the tunnel if we don’t give up.
Having a great promise for the future, let us be careful how we live the present, knowing that what we are going through is just a part of a bigger process.
Our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works in us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. One of my mentors, Bernard, taught me that the decisions I make now and how I handle this stage of growth will determine how my 30s and 40s will be. I have decided to endure, stay through to my convictions, and sail through. I hope you do the same.
I can’t wait to eventually meet you (soon) and encourage each other with our stories 😉.
Until then, let’s keep being tough and endure the challenges of growth and the transition to adulthood comes with (Although adulthood is a big scam).
There’s more I wish I could write, but I would like to keep this post short (let’s talk about the rest when we meet or get to talk as friends)
I will be waiting for you at the other end of the tunnel ❤
Yours Truly (and I’m truly yours),
P.
PS: To anyone reading, this post was written about a year ago in Germany but never made its way here due to reasons I will mention in my next post. It is hard putting my struggles out there, but I believe it will help someone through their battles as well. Feel free to reach out with your comments or thoughts.
And when I respond in the affirmative to your love,
That is me equally agreeing that you’ll be the only one that has all my love,
That is me also agreeing to stand by you regardless of what season in life you are,
That is me agreeing to hold your hand through the very tough times; when you don’t feel understood, when you can’t arrive at a decision, when you’re not sure what path to take, when the journey of life seems so confusing etc.
When we eventually meet and I respond in the affirmative to your love,
That is me agreeing to be the one you can run your ideas by, however someway they may sound in the moment,
That it me agreeing to be the one whose voice is loudest, celebrating you always, however small a win you achieve.
When you do say you love me, and you see me smiling widely into your eyes:
That is me, agreeing to stay awake with you through the night while you figure how to debug anything.
That is me agreeing to be your jnr developer(someday, our daughter/son will take over).
And if you need someone to run your codes by, best believe I’ll definitely help you find someone if I myself am unable to.
That’s just to stay, I plan on sticking by and to you better than a magnet to a coin.
Ultimately, when I respond
in the affirmative to your love:
That is me making a life-long decision to be committed to you only, as a friend, partner and lover.
Until then, I too will stay your closest friend, and nurture our friendship wholly, so we’ll be ready when the time is right…
~With all the love I’m holding in for you,
Your dearest one in waiting.
Dear loml,
When I say I love you it means you and only you.
It means I choose you even on your worst days.
It means I will have no alternatives, It means I will be your biggest fan and support system.
I will get jealous a little but that is only because I love you. It means I will hold your hands and make the journey with you through sticks and stones.
My love is a big commitment so let’s not awaken it before it’s time. Let’s take our time and nurture it, remember good things take time 😊❤️.
Until then, I’ll be your best friend ❣️.
yours truly and I’m truly yours,
p.
Dear Love of my life